


I Think I've Fallen (Ill)

by flxdaisy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, jungwoo is shy, they're both gay, what a tag, yukhei is dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 12:57:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flxdaisy/pseuds/flxdaisy
Summary: “Is Jungwoo worried about me?”Mark takes a sip of his coffee before answering.“I mean, probably yeah, aren’t you two like, really close?”  Yukhei groans, banging his head against the cupboard.orJungwoo hasn't talked to Yukhei for a full week, and Yukhei thinks he's going insane.





	I Think I've Fallen (Ill)

Yukhei was tired.  

Yukhei was generally always a little tired, surviving through the day on a mix of adrenaline and frozen Starbucks drinks, but this was a little bit more than he was used to.  

He probably hasn’t been this exhausted since his trainee days, where the stress of learning how to sing, dance, and speak Korean filled and swirled in his mind at night, only allowing him a small window of sleep before returning to his lessons the next day.

He found himself in a similar position now.  This time, however, Yukhei’s stress was not the result of a lack of understanding of any language, nor mistakes made during practice.  He was thinking about a person. A certain person by the name of Jungwoo.

It was no secret that Jungwoo and Yukhei got along well.  The two of them (as well as Kun) became close during their time of being SM Rookies, Jungwoo often being the reason Yukhei got any sleep at all.

Yukhei groans, rolling over to shove his face into his pillow.

_He isn’t helping much now is he._

Yukhei blames Chenle for this.  It is all definitely Chenle’s fault.  If Chenle had kept his observations to himself last movie night, Yukhei would currently be in dreamland, eating great food or flying or something, _anything_ better than this.

Last Thursday was group movie night.  After a small but heated debate on which version of Spider man to watch (“Andrew Garfield’s interpretation is way more accurate to the comics!” “Mark shut up you’re just saying that because you think he’s hot and you’d rather stare at his face for 2 hours than Tobey Maguier’s”) the group settled in, finding a spot to claim their’s on the floor or couch.  Yukhei was happily enjoying the movie when he felt a face close to his and quiet mandarin whispered into his ear.

“Why isn’t Jungwoo next to you?”  Yukhei turned to see Chenle’s concerned face, eyebrows raised in question.

“What do you mean?”  Yukhei whispered back.

“Jungwoo always sits next to you during movie nights, are you guys fighting?”  Yukhei furrowed his eyebrows, about to respond.

“Can you guys shut up, I can’t concentrate on Andrew Garfield's face-ow what the hell, Hyuck.”

Yukhei was amused by his friends antics when he suddenly felt like he was being watched, deciding to scan the room for the possible culprit.  He was, in fact, being watched. Specifically being watched by Jungwoo. Yukhei responded by wiggling his eyebrows, and instead of the usual giggle and eye roll his actions tended to receive, he got a straight face as Jungwoo turned his head back towards the TV screen.   _Strange_.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t really talked with Jungwoo much in the past few days.  He remembers Jungwoo coming into his room and asking him if he wanted to go for a walk on Monday night.  Yukhei had ended up turning the offer down in favor of trying to write more of a rap he’d been working on.  The idea had seemingly come out of nowhere but it was a popular theme in current music so he took the inspiration and ran with it.  Jungwoo hadn’t really initiated conversation with him since. Which, if it was any of the other members, Yukhei wouldn’t think twice about it.  All the members are busy with their own schedules and can almost disappear for days at a time when things get particularly hectic. But with Jungwoo, it was definitely out of the ordinary.  

Most days, it seemed Jungwoo spent as much time with Yukhei as humanly possible, from waking him up in the morning, to falling asleep on Yukhei’s shoulder during their late night talks, managing to still hum in response to Yukhei’s rambling for a few minutes before the younger notices his audience is no longer conscious.  

The sun coming over the horizon marks a full week of Jungwoo not saying a word to him.  Yukhei thinks he is going insane.

“Hey man” Mark slides up next to Yukhei, who has managed to make his way out into the kitchen. He leans against the counter with two cups of coffee in his hand. “I feel like you might need one of these.”

Yukhei takes the warm mug in his hands, sighing.  “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” There was a beat of silence before Mark rotates, fully turning his body toward his friend.

“Listen man, you’ve been way out of it lately.  I’m not sure if you noticed, but we’re all really worried about you-”

“Is Jungwoo worried about me?”

“I- what?”

“Is Jungwoo.  Worried about me.”

Mark takes a sip of his coffee before answering.

“I mean, probably yeah, aren’t you two like, really close?”  Yukhei groans, banging his head against the cupboard.

“Yeah I thought so, but hasn’t said a word to me in a week, Mark.  A _week._ ”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”  Mark takes another sip.

“Is that why?”  Yukhei glances over to Mark.

“Why what?”

“Why you’re acting like, you know, this.” Mark makes an arm movement encompassing the entirety of Yukhei’s being.

Yukhei believes that his head can handle a couple more hits to the cupboard.

“Woah woah woah,” Mark puts his mug down to pull Yukhei’s head from any more torment, “I’m going to take that as a yes.  Why don’t you just, like, try to talk to him?” It was said with a shrug, as if the suggestion held no weight, brought no fear to Yukhei’s heart at the mention.

“I think that’s the worst idea you’ve ever had, Mark.  Truly. And that’s saying something because remember last Christmas when-”

“Yeah okay I get it!”  Mark’s head is in his hands, “Listen.  I know that confronting him won’t be easy, trust me, I _really_ get it.  But I also know that you two acting like this for much longer is going to make the whole group uncomfortable, and you know what happens when something ends up affecting the whole group.”

Yukhei shudders.  “Taeyong gets involved.”  Mark nods.

“Uh huh.  You and I both know it should not have to get to that point.”

A sigh.

“Yeah.  I know. I’ll do something.  Thanks Mark.” Mark grabs his mug, and walks out with a pat to Yukhei’s shoulder.  Yukhei slumps back against the counter.

_How the hell is he going to figure this out?_

 

***

 

To Yukhei’s dismay, confronting Jungwoo is even harder than he expected.  Which is honestly saying something, considering Yukhei already deemed the task near impossible.  It wasn’t difficult for the reasons he expected however.

Jungwoo was plainly, bluntly, _avoiding him_.  No way around it.  Before it seemed like Jungwoo was simply no longer putting effort into talking to him.  This however, was something worse entirely.

“Hey Woo, can you pass me the tongs from over there?”

“Sure, Hyung!”  Jungwoo pushes himself over the kitchen island to reach the stand of utensils, stretching even further to hand them over to Taeyong.  Taeyong chuckles, turning back to the food.

“Couldn’t even have the energy to bring it over to me properly, huh?”  

No response.

“Woo-ah?”  Taeyong spins around to see Yukhei standing there alone, his hands hanging limp at his sides.  “Oh, Lucas! I didn’t know you were there. Where’s Jungwoo?”

Lucas scuffs his socked foot against the tiled floor.  “He uh- he left. I guess.” A raised eyebrow from Taeyong.  A beat.

“Is there something up with you two?”

“No!” Yukhei runs.

This is pretty much how things play out over the next week.  Jungwoo casually hangs out with the other members in the dorms.  Yukhei walks in. Jungwoo sees him and flees. Yukhei is left awkward.  The other members question what is going with between the two of them. Yukhei flees the scene.

At this point Yukhei isn’t sure if the looks Mark has been sending him are filled with pity or disappointment.  

His situation probably deserves both, if he’s being honest.

Even though it wasn’t the best solution, the routine that the pair was forming was starting to become comfortable.  Maybe this is just what their relationship is meant to become. A cat and mouse game.

That is until Jungwoo falls sick.

It is nothing too bad.  A slight fever and bad headache.  The managers deem Jungwoo too unwell to go into practice today and Taeyong has the bright idea of assigning Yukhei to stay back and make sure that Jungwoo doesn’t pass out on the toilet or something.

“Hyung, with all due respect, I _really_ think it would be best if someone else-”

“Yukhei, everyone else has rehearsal for a 127 schedule and you know this.  I’m not assigning a dreamie to stay and watch him. Please, Lucas.” Taeyong is out the door by the end of his sentence.

Maybe this will be fine.  Jungwoo is probably asleep in his room, and will stay there until the members get back.  All Yukhei has to do is stick around and listen for any cries of help. Nothing that he hasn’t done while staying in the dreamie’s dorm.  Easy peasy.

Fourty-five minutes in and Yukhei has put a random anime from Yuta’s collection into the TV to pass the time.  It was something about a bunch of high school boys swimming. They were oddly close to each other, but maybe that’s just normal for Japanese guys.  Yukhei thinks back to how Yuta treats Winwin and deems that that must be the case.

He must be more into the anime than he thought, as he didn’t notice the other’s presence in the room until he feels a weight press down into the other side of the couch.  Yukhei wants desperately to turn his head and look at Jungwoo but he’s scared. Both scared that he’ll frighten Jungwoo away like all the other times and scared that he’ll look over and Jungwoo will be looking back.  He argues with himself for so long that by the time he looks over, Jungwoo has fallen asleep, his head tilted slightly back and to the side, so Yukhei can see the unruly part on the top of his head.

He’s not sure how long he’s been sitting here, just staring at Jungwoo’s hair, but he suddenly has the urge to reach his hand over and check if it’s just as soft as he remembers.  So he does.

Yukhei lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.  It shouldn’t make him this emotional. It really shouldn’t, but all Yukhei can think of is the countless times that Jungwoo would plop his head in Yukhei’s lap uninvited and ask the younger to play with his hair to calm him down.  Yukhei is so far back into his own mind that he doesn’t notice Jungwoo stirring and coming back to the world of the living until he feels eye contact that definitely wasn’t there before.

As if burned, Yukhei pulls his hand away and an apology sits at the back of his throat, about to be croaked out when Jungwoo grabs his scorched wrist.

“Please.”  Yukhei feels his hand be pulled forward.

And fuck, Yukhei would probably do just about anything for Jungwoo if he looked at him like that, so he returns his hand and places it at the hair at the nape of Jungwoo’s neck.  He tries not to think too much about the audible sigh he hears from Jungwoo, or the way Jungwoo seems to melt at the mere contact.

This feels forbidden.  Which is crazy considering this was once a common occurrence between the two.  Now however, Yukhei feels like this should be savoured. Who knows when Jungwoo will let him in like this again?  It’s probably the fever causing Jungwoo to let his guard down like this. Jungwoo will fall back asleep. Yukhei will pull his hand away, careful not to wake the sleeping boy.  He’ll grab the blanket on the back of the couch and lay it over Jungwoo. Then he’ll walk away, as if this never happened. Yukhei is quite convinced it never was supposed to anyway.

Except that’s not what happens at all.  Instead, Jungwoo bites his lip for a moment and squeezes his eyes tight before relaxing his face and turning to Yukhei.

“Can you… hold me?”  Yukhei is pretty sure his heart simultaneously stops and jumps into his throat.  He simply nods, slack jawed and wide eyed, and Jungwoo slides over.

Yukhei thinks he spends the first five minutes of holding Jungwoo making sure he doesn’t breathe too loud, scared to disturb Jungwoo now that he finally has him close again.

“I’m sorry,” breathes Jungwoo.  Yukhei feels it against his arm.  Yukhei wants to say something passive in response like “for what?” or “it’s okay” like he usually would, but he knows he shouldn’t.  He knows this situation carries more weight than the things Jungwoo usually apologizes to him for, like not putting enough broth in his ramen, or bumping into him in the hallway.  Yukhei settles on:

“Me too.”  Because he is.  Jungwoo shuffles in Yukhei’s grasp, so Yukhei goes to release him, only to have Jungwoo grunt and pull Yukhei’s arms tighter around him.

“It’s just…” Jungwoo starts, “the other members would mention every once and a while how I just follow you around all the time, and Jisung mentioned how you must feel suffocated sometimes.  I didn’t really think much of it at the time. I thought it was just Jisung not understanding people again, but then I asked if you wanted to go for a walk that night and you just seemed so disinterested that I thought _this must be how it starts_.  The start of you getting tired of me.”

Yukhei can’t help but gasp at the idea.  “Jungwoo I can’t imagine ever being tired of you.  If anything you give me more energy when you’re around.”  Which was true. Even on days where Yukhei should be exhausted, Jungwoo would come and make sure he’s up in time for breakfast.  Yukhei never went to any schedules hungry or upset, Jungwoo simply wouldn’t allow it. Now that Yukhei thinks about it, he has been awfully hungry _and_ upset at his most recent schedules.

Jungwoo hums in response, and Yukhei thinks he can hear the content smile on the other’s face.  Yukhei thinks this is perfect. He wanted so desperately to talk to Jungwoo, but he knows the other’s gaze can shut him down completely, and Jungwoo knows it too.  He’s thankful that Jungwoo didn’t use that fact to his advantage. Even though they can’t see each other’s expressions, Yukhei can feel his heart beating against Jungwoo’s back, and it reminds him that this is real.  They are here. They are okay.

Just as Yukhei is having this thought, loud voices are heard approaching the front door and Jungwoo leaps up from where he’s sitting and scuttles to the kitchen before the door can even open and the members come tumbling in.

“Jungwoo! What are you doing up?  You should be in bed!” Yukhei hears Taeyong scolding from the living room and hopes that it’s not his turn next.

“That’s where I’m heading, Hyung.”  Jungwoo sounds more tired than he was talking to Yukhei earlier.  Yukhei feels a sense of dread settle in. He didn’t think he said anything wrong, had he?

Thankfully Taeyong as well as the other members seem exhausted from their schedule so Yukhei just waits until they all head to bed to slide into his own.  He doesn’t want to risk being questioned by Taeyong or Mark or really any of the members about how his evening went. He’s honestly not sure how to answer if they did.

He really thought that they would go back to the way they were.  Yukhei should have known it was wishful thinking. Of course one small conversation with Jungwoo’s fevered brain wasn’t going to heal their relationship.  At this point Yukhei is doubtful anything will.

Yukhei is startled from his thoughts by the sound of his door creaking open slowly, light from the hallway seeping into his cluttered bedroom.  Usually this would be where Yukhei would turn around and lift the covers up for Jungwoo to slip under, but this isn’t usual anymore, so Yukhei stays put with his back facing the door.  After a moment Yukhei sees the light disappear from his room again and starts to think that he is left alone until he feels the covers behind him lift and a body slip in.

A longer moment, and a sigh from Jungwoo.  Yukhei feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and suddenly he is being pulled onto his back.  He allows himself to make eye contact with Jungwoo, which is often a mistake, but now it allows a sense of calm to rush over him.  It’s been so long since he’s felt Jungwoo’s presence in his bed and he was starting to forget how much he cherished it.

As Yukhei’s eyes begin to adjust to the darkness, seeing more and more detail of the face in front of him, Jungwoo reaches his hand forward and lays it on Yukhei’s jaw, his thumb rubbing against Yukhei’s cheek.  

“Is this okay?” Jungwoo breaks the silence, and Yukhei is left nodding dumbly.  This all feels oddly reminiscent of the event on the couch earlier. Jungwoo continues rubbing Yukhei’s cheek and eventually Yukhei begins to think that maybe this is all Jungwoo was referring to when he asked if it was okay.  Not that Yukhei minds that. He’d stay in this position for the rest of his life if he could. And then Jungwoo leans in.

Yukhei should have expected that Jungwoo’s lips would be just as soft as literally any other aspect of the boy, but he is shocked nonetheless.  It’s so gentle. The calm moment flowing like the wind outside the bedroom window. Yukhei hesitantly reaches his hand up to grasp at Jungwoo’s waist and the other replies with a whimper and a tightened fist against Yukhei’s baggy t-shirt.  Jungwoo pulls away with a shudder. Yukhei watches how Jungwoo’s eyes flutter open, how they squish up as he lets out a breathy giggle.

Yeah, Yukhei thinks.  Maybe they won’t ever go back to what they used to be.  Still feeling the tingle on his lips, he thinks that he can handle it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i'm oddly proud of this one?? leave any comments!! I love to read feedback ^^
> 
> If you like what I write you can [ follow me on twitter ](https://twitter.com/sunboyhyuck) or/and [ buy me a kofi ](https://ko-fi.com/cryptonid) thank you ^^


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